Bittersweet
by iloveblye12
Summary: "My bag was packed, I grabbed my passport, I called the airline and booked a flight. I was ready to fly all the way to Africa to get the woman I love. As I walked up to the door and turned the door knob, I froze." description inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Description: This story takes place after "Family." **

**Tony realizes that he can't be without Jeanne and decides to find her. What happens when he does find her and they come face to face for the first time since she left? Will she forgive him or will he return home to seek comfort in his partner, Ziva?**

**(For the record, I've been writing lately while half asleep so please don't hold it against me lol R+R please)**

It's been a few weeks since she's been gone and I don't know what to do. All I do is go to work and go home to eat old left over take out. I knew I wasn't supposed to fall for her, I tried my best not to, but I couldn't help it. She was so beautiful, smart, witty, sweet, I fell for everything about her. I keep thinking about the letter she left me the night she left. Her words keep replaying in my head over and over again, telling me to choose. I keep going back to the moment I put the letter in the fire and I feel regret. I shouldn't have let her go that easily. I shouldn't have given up so soon.

I abruptly stood up and grabbed my bag. I could feel the team staring at me as I made my way to the elevator, then I heard Gibbs call out to me. "DiNozzo." he walked up and stood next to me. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I have something to do, Boss." I swallowed hard as I kept my eyes on the elevator doors and watched the numbers go up to reach the floor.

"Yeah, it's called work, DiNozzo."

I turned to face him and took a deep breath. "…I have to get her back, Boss."

He stared me down until the elevator doors opened. He took a step back, walked back over to his desk without saying a word and left me standing there confused. Turning around and looking at me, Gibbs took a sip of his coffee and half smirked. "What the hell are you still doing here?"

"Thanks, Boss!" I smiled then ran into the elevator and watched the doors close as Ziva looked at me with saddened eyes. Deep down I knew that she had probably had some feelings, I knew because I used to have some feelings too, before Jeanne that is.

The minute I got to my apartment and swiftly started packing, I realized that I had no idea where to begin to look for Jeanne. I grabbed my cell and called McGee to see if he could help me out with this.

"Special Agent McGee."

"McGee, I need you to check where Jeanne is for me. Cell phone, Credit cards, anything that can tell me where she could be right now."

"So that's why you were off in a hurry." I could hear the smirk on his face when he said that.

"Now, McGee!"

"I'm checking now, Tony, give me a minute." he told me as I heard him typing away at this keyboard. "She hasn't used anything since the day after everything happened, but looking back on her phone records, her last call was to a Helen Berkley."

"That's her mother…go through her mothers call records and see if you can find anything that sticks out. Call me back when you get something."

"Sure, Tony." he said just before I hung up to finish packing. He called back about fifteen minutes later and I could pick up the excitement in his voice. "I think I found her, Tony. Her mother has been receiving calls at least once a day from a location in…Lambarene."

"Lambarene?"

"Lambarene is in Gabon, Tony."

I didn't say anything.

McGee let out a sigh. "Gabon is in Africa, Tony."

I stood still for a minute and let what McGee just said sink in. "Africa? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, Tony, Africa. It looks like she works at a Hospital there. I pulled up a log of the doctors there and here she is, Jeanne Benoit."

"Thanks, Tim. I owe you one. Email me all the hospital info."

My bag was packed, I grabbed my passport, I called the airline and booked a flight. I was ready to fly all the way to Africa to get the woman I love. As I walked up to the door and turned the door knob, I froze. I slowly let go of the knob, put my bag down on the floor and my passport in my back pocket. I had about two hours before my flight so I had some time to think this through. Various possibilities popped into my head of what could happen if I just showed up there. The majority of those various possibilities weren't good. I was getting nervous and started to feel sick.

_Come on, Anthony, you love her. You're going to fly to Africa and you're going to get her back. _I tried to convince myself, but it didn't seem to work. I picked up my cell phone and called the one person I knew that would talk some sense into me.

"Tony! McGee told me you were going to Africa to get Jeanne back! That's so romantic!" she shouted as her music blared in the background.

I couldn't help but smile hearing Abby's voice. "Yeah, Abs, I was."

"Was? What do you mean was? Where are you?"

"I'm back at my apartment. The flight isn't for another two hours. As soon as I was making my way out the door, I stopped. I don't think I can do this, Abby." I told her as I let out a sigh.

Out of no where her music stopped and I swallowed hard preparing for an Abby lecture. "Anthony DiNozzo." she stated in a serious tone. "You have been moping around this place for the last few weeks! You barely have actual conversations, smile, argue with McGee. You're a mess without her, Tony. You know it, we know it."

"I haven't been that-" I began to say until she cut me off.

"You've been terrible."

"That bad?"

"That bad." we both stayed silent then she began to speak. "Look, you let her go once and look what happened to you. Not many people get to, but you have a second chance to make things right, Tony. If you love her, don't let nerves and some fear get in the way of that."

I took a deep breath and exhaled as I came to a decision. "You're right, Abby. I love her. A lot. And I don't want to live without her. I'm going to get her."

"Go get her, Tony!" she shouted as she turned her music back on.

"Thanks, Abby. You know you'll always be my favorite right?"

"And you'll always be my favorite, too, but don't tell Gibbs or McGee. They think they're the favorites."

I let out a laugh. "I won't tell them. See you when I get back."

"Have a safe trip! And good luck!"

"Thanks…I'm going to need it."

After hanging up, I walked back over to my bag, picked it up and walked out the door. Of course I was still nervous thinking about what she would say the minute she sees me or what I would say the minute I'm face to face with her, but I have time to think about that on the plane.

After two stops and twenty seven hours later, I was exhausted, jet lagged and now even more nervous than ever. I grabbed a taxi and gave them the address McGee sent to my email. Forty five minutes and a canoe ride later, I was standing in front of the hospital. I took a deep breath and walked in to begin to my search for Jeanne.

I went around showing her picture hoping someone would tell me where she was, but no one had seen her. A half an hour of looking and with no luck, I was beginning to think McGee was wrong and that I would have to kill him if I came all the way here for nothing. I decided to ask one more person and luckily he was an American.

"Excuse me. Could you help me find this woman?" I asked as I handed him the picture. "Her name is-"

"Ah. Ms. Benoit." he cut me off. "She's actually out in one of the villages right now, but should be back in a couple hours. Is there anything I can help you with?"

My heart began to race and I just shook my head. "No, thanks. I'll just wait here for her." Then it came to me, I was on a plane for twenty seven hours. I need a shower, I probably look and smell horrible right now. "Actually, I could really use the restroom."

"Sure. It's just go all the way down that way and to the left."

"Thank you." I nodded as I made my way to the bathroom.

Of course this was a drastic change of scenery. It wasn't really a hospital like they have in the states, but more like the show M*A*S*H, except with less tents and smaller Quonset huts. Luckily for the patients, the rooms I passed as I walked down the large area were separated by actual walls instead of sheets so they had more privacy.

I made my way into the 3x3 area that they called the bathroom. There was no shower, so I used the sink to freshen up. As I brushed my teeth, washed my pits and got new clothes on, I was still trying to figure out what I was going to say to her, but I came up with nothing.

_Jeanne, I don't know what to- "_no… no." _I know that I messed-"_fuck. How do I do this?" I said to myself as I took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom.

I walked out and sat down at the bench just outside the hospital with my bag next to me. Every twenty minutes I kept checking my watch and I waited for her. Twenty minutes turned into an hour, and hour turned into two, two turned into four. I was going crazy wondering when she was coming back and if she would be arriving.

Waiting all that time, I decided to leave and come back the next day. I needed sleep and more time to think about what I was going to say. I walked down the path to catch my canoe ride when one just arrived. I looked around and waited for those who were on the canoe to get off so I could get on, until the last person got off and froze next to me.

"T-Tony?" the familiar voice hesitated.

I looked up and felt my heart sink down to the bottom of my stomach as I saw those familiar blue eyes looking at me with hurt and confusion. "Jeanne…"


	2. Chapter 2

We stared into each others eyes unable to speak for a few moments. I just wanted to grab her and kiss her, but I knew that wouldn't be a good idea considering how things went the last time we were together. I could see it in her eyes that she had questions, that she was confused, she just didn't know where to start. To be honest, I wasn't sure where to start either. Jeanne broke eye contact and turned away from me to take a deep breath, but when she turned back to face me all I saw were those beautiful blue eyes filled with hurt and anger.

"What are you doing here?" she asked acidly.

It was complicated answering such a simple question. "W-What am I doing here? It's funny that you ask. It's a long story actually-" I began to ramble on with a half smile until she crossed her arms looking at me not amused.

"You have two seconds to tell me what the hell you're doing here or I'm walking away."

I let out a sigh and rubbed on the back of my neck. "Okay Jeanne. I'm here because-" I stopped for a second to collect my thoughts. "I'm here because I-I love you. I fell in love with you, Jeanne. I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry that I hurt you, but even though my name and my job were a lie everything else was real." I took a step closer to her and placed a hand on her face. "Please believe me."

My hand barely made contact with her face for five seconds before she smacked it away. "How can I believe you?" she exclaimed as tears filled her eyes. "You lied to me, Tony! You were only with me to get to my father!"

"Jeanne, please listen to me." I told her as I cupped her face, but she tried pushing me away. "That's what it was in the beginning, but I swear my feelings for you are true. I love you."

"Liar!" she shouted while attempting to shove me away again.

Without even thinking, I pulled her close and I kissed her. At first I could feel her trying to push away, but it didn't take her long before she began kissing me back. I missed feeling her soft full lips pressed against mine, the feeling of her arms wrapped around my neck and my fingers getting tangled in her hair as my other hand rested on the middle of her back bringing her closer to my body. I missed her, I wanted her, I needed her.

After what felt like an eternity, we both pulled away slowly still holding one another. I looked into her eyes and brought my hand to her face to caress her cheek. I slowly leaned in to kiss her again, but she turned her head away from me.

"Stop. Just. Stop." she demanded while placing her hand on my chest and taking a step back. "What gives you the right to just come here and tell me the _supposed _truth, kiss me, then act like it's all alright? None of this is alright, Tony." she stood with her arms crossed again and shook her head.

I let out a sigh and ran my fingers through my hair trying to figure out what else to say to her. "Jeanne. Please. I came all this way. To, not only be truthful to you, but to tell you how much I love you." I took a step closer to her and looked into her eyes. "When I showed up at your apartment that night in tears-" I stopped a minute to swallow my pride. "and I told you that I loved you. I meant it. That wasn't an act."

"And how do you expect me to believe that? Tell me, Tony. How?"

I swallowed hard and let out a sigh. "Because that night I went and told you I loved you was the same day a friend of mine died. In an explosion. I was behind the wall, not too far away where it happened." I took a deep breath. "I told her about what happened when we went rock climbing and I didn't tell you I love you. Want to know what she said to me? 'Life is too short to not tell someone you love them if you do' and after she died, I couldn't hold off on telling you just how much you meant to me, Jeanne. You're the only woman that I've ever truly loved. That's why I'm here." I walked up and cupped her face. "I love you, Jeanne Benoit. I, Anthony DiNozzo Jr, love you."

She looked up at me with those big blue eyes that began filling with water. As a single tear rolled down her lightly tanned cheek, I wiped it away with my thumb and a half smile appeared on my face. This time it was Jeanne who leaned in and kissed me. I felt her place her hand on the back of my neck to deepen the kiss. She opened her mouth just enough to allow me to massage my tongue against hers. As I wrapped my arms around her, she pulled away slowly. I opened my eyes to find her looking at me with such sadness. "What's wrong?"

She placed her hands on my face and kept eye contact. Her tears were now streaming down her face and I was confused. "I can't do this, Tony. I just can't." she whispered.

"Can't do what, Jeanne? Talk to me." I held her in my arms.

"I can't go back with you. I-I have a lot to do here and… I can't fully trust you." she sobbed. "I love you, but I can't do this. I'm sorry." she pushed away from me and escaped from my arms.

She began to walk quickly toward the hospital and I went after her. "Please. Don't do this, Jeanne. You just said you love me. We can make this work." I stated as I grabbed her arm and spun her around to face me.

Snatching her arm from my soft grip, she looked at me as she bit her bottom lip. "Just go, Tony. Do us both a favor and just go home." she begged as her voice cracked. "After all this, it can never work. No matter how hard we try it just won't work. So please, go."

I stood there, silent and shocked, as I watched her walk into the hospital without so much as looking back at me one last time.

On the plane ride back home, all I could think about was everything I said to her and everything she said to me, yet I was on the plane, alone. _What did I say that was wrong? Was it because I kissed her? Was it something that I didn't say? _Was all I kept asking myself on the twenty seven hour flight.

When the plane finally landed, I felt sick to my stomach. I was back home and without the woman that means more to me than anything. I grabbed my carry on bag and got off the plane to find an excited Abby jumping up and down with a poster board in her hand that read 'Welcome Home Tony & Jeanne.' Reading that crushed me even more, but it wasn't her fault. When I took a few more steps closer to her, Abby already knew something was wrong. I don't know if it was the look on my face, the way I walked up, but she immediately dropped the poster board on the floor and ran up to me. "Oh Tony…" she said softly then wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me.

I placed my bag down and wrapped my arms around her. I didn't say a word.

"Come on, Tony. Let's get you home." she told me as she looked up in my eyes and gave me a warm smile.

The car ride back to my place was a silent one. At least on my end. Abby was trying different ways to get me to talk about what happened in Africa. When I didn't want to talk, she tried different ways of getting me open up, like talking about things that happened at work, but still I said nothing so she gave up. Abby placed a hand on my knee and smile once she parked in the parking lot of my apartment. "It'll be okay, Tony. Want me to come up with you?"

I looked at her and nodded my head lightly.

Next thing I knew, I was sitting on my couch staring off into space with a bottle of jack in my hand and Abby sitting next to me. "Tony. You've had almost half the bottle now, I think it's time you stop." she told me and she slowly started taking it away from me.

I didn't want to let it go, but she was right. I felt the bottle slip out of my hands and Abby rest her head on my shoulder. "You need to talk about it at some point. I'm here for you."

I took a deep breath and explained everything that happened between Jeanne and me. Out of everyone, I could actually talk to Abby and I trust her. I might have spoken to Ziva, but lately things haven't been right between us. By the end of it all, Abby looked at me with sad eyes and for the first time in a long time she was speechless. Without saying anything, Abby cuddled up against me and we sat on my couch holding each other for a few hours.

The next morning, I woke up with a headache and a post it note on my forehead. "Abby." I muttered as I removed the note to read it. _'Don't worry about work. Told Gibbs you had serious jetlag. Stay home and rest today. Stay away from the bottle. It won't do you any good. See you tomorrow. Love you : ) -Abby"_

I couldn't help but smile sadly at the note.

As I finished reading it, I got up from the couch and threw the note away. I removed my shirt and made my way to my bathroom to take a shower, but I stopped when I heard a knock at my door. I took a deep breath and walked over to the door wondering who it was.

"Hi, Tony." she said as she looked up into my eyes when I opened the door.

"What're you doing here?"


End file.
